About God

​I was scrolling through facebook and came across a news article about antibiotic resistances and illnesses when I came across this comment.

“Certain sickness only God can heal provided u hv faith n believe in Him.” sic

Prior to entering acjc, I never believed in God. I was never surrounded by methodist values in my primary or secondary school because my schools never enforced practices for a single faith. I thought God was a ridiculous, made-up craziness that Christians and Catholics preached of. Because there was absolutely zero evidence of a creator, or a majestic being who sees over us in the skies. Science proved otherwise, so I never let up to the nonsense.

But coming into acjc, a methodist institution, was changing, if that’s a good word to describe it. I was, all of a sudden, surrounded by believers. Every school day I had to go through words of prayer. And on mondays I had to compulsora-rily attend this weird chapel thing that was magically boring. Most students sang the worship songs in chapel fervently, but for the rest, the songs were the perfect lullaby. I felt that it was all so pretentious and lame at first, but then as the terms went by, I started to listen more instead of making use of chapel to supplement my sleep.

Our school principal told us, “Even if you don’t believe in God, I seek you to listen and learn about our methodist values.”-somewhere along the lines of this. I listened. It affected me. I gradually felt more and more open to the ideas of a god. They spoke of common virtues that every man should heed by, and of empowerment and enlightenment that every person can go to God and beseek. 

Any man, believer or not, can trust that there is a being that he can confide in to confess sins, discover virtue, cure exhaustion and uncover a source of innate strength. In Christianity, that being is Jesus, whom they choose to revere and see as a being who lives with them, and watches over them as their lives go by. Okay, that’s them. But this way of thinking – I find it truly amazing. Amazing in how regular people can discover strength within themselves to tackle harsh circumstances with something as ridiculous-sounding as belief. I love it, and it inspires me to seek strength from within.

However, there are people who think that God can cure all. I fail to see how this is reasonable thinking. Now, ‘belief’ can empower someone, but not in a tangible way. To entrust God to treat your illness while you sit back and die is not what God would want. I believe God motivates you to find the strength to help yourself, not have him help you. So when believers preach that God can cure all while we sit and pray, I shut my ears because God entrusts me to go out there and seek the cure.

Regardless of my disagreements, I do respect these ideas and practices as they are. I continue to respect the Lord wholly, for I know God stays with me, and continues to strengthen me, as Joshua 1:9 says: Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid, nor discouraged, for the Lord, your God, will be with you wherever you go. 


​Watching this time and time again and every single time it hits me so hard… 
(As the title shows) It’s the A div finals in 2014 my school worked superbly hard to participate in. Arguably the best team acjc has had. They were 0-2 down to rjc but showed so passionate a fight that they managed to come back to 2-2 in the final period, but finally conceded 3-2 in the last 2 minutes and left as silver medalists.

They were great players, regardless of the amount of experience they had. Sure there were better players who were expected to carry the team on their shoulders the entire tournament, but what was instead so remarkable about the team was that the players who were absolutely new to the sport managed to bring themselves up to the next level to match their better teammates.

The team became amazing. Nevermind that they lost, they were amazing. They left a legacy and a reputation for the college that their juniors have been expected to live up to. It was a special kind of passion that’s hard to be able to even remotely feel now. Every time I watch the match, I feel especially broken, because that feeling seems long lost. I want my team to be able to play on a stage like that, and genuinely make our schoolmates proud even in defeat. I keep questioning, where did the hunger come from?

Too many nights I’ve spent thinking about what can be. But everyone else just feels okay with what is and what isn’t. 

Back then?

So I came across this post on Facebook which was a video explaining why allowing children to be bored is a good thing. Because it allows them to settle into an inner-quietness that helps them create a world for themselves and betters their self-awareness… Blah blah blah…

And then I was reminded of when I was bored as a child. Back when we still weren’t glued to our devices, back when being bored was normal, back when exploring the house to find something to entertain ourselves with was a daily thing….

I remember when I was small, like more than 10 years ago. 4/5 years old, still round and chubby, still whine-y and annoying. Back then, the house had a super spacious living room, where there was a little square area enclosed by two walls, one with a TV, and two adjacent, yellow sofas (those sofas were the best the most comfortable ever but a pity they were thrown). And in the middle of the cosy little living area was our ancient coffee table (we still have it) which stood atop a huge 2mx2m carpet, right in the middle such that there was space left on the four sides for people to sit on. The carpet was beautiful, one of those you’d find at those Indian carpet shops with carpets of all sorts of flowery patterns.

When I was left alone at home and mom and dad went to work, I spent most of every day entertaining myself with the same toys. I had a huge collection of toy cars (hot wheels were always the coolest) kept in this giant box with a green lid which sat in one of the corners of the living room. The cars were always my immediate go-to form of entertainment, and whenever I felt bored, I would always lift the heavy plastic box out from the corner, drop it on the carpet with a thud, and unclip the plastic lid. Digging around in the sea of miniature vehicles, I would fling the lame ones to the sides and fish the cool ones from the bottom, leaving a cone-shaped hole right through the centre.

After careful selection of about 10 cool hot wheels cars, I would drag the box beneath the table. Then came the fun part. See, the carpet was magical. It was huge, beautiful, and the best part – it was an amazing course for my racecars. The carpet would never be totally flat when I played on it. I would drag its edges inwards against the legs of the coffee table, such that the carpet created ripples, or I used to imagine as ‘mountains’ (the top of the ripples) and ‘valleys’ (between the ripples). Once the race course was all set up, I would ready my racecars at a start point, and set them off on a circuit around the ‘carpet mountain’.

During the race, I would make screeching noises as the racecars drifted along the furry terrain. I enjoyed dragging them along as they bumped and crashed against their competitors, flipping a few over sometimes after a hard collision. I also made classic shortcuts; they were routes with the sides paved with unused cars, going underneath the coffee table to provide a more efficient and ‘cheat’ route. After a few laps, the cars would race to the finish line and end with a sleek drift to a stop, and when I pressed down against the carpet, the cars would mark a path with their wheels as if they left a blaze behind them, and then come to an elegant stop.

Today, I’m not sure if I still have the green plastic box in my house. After more than a decade of learning, it feels like I’ve left my entire childhood and its delicate happiness behind me. For years, I had totally forgot about the toys cars until I saw a Facebook video reminding me about it. More importantly, it reminded me about the simple joy people feel when they are left alone to create things to entertain themselves. Those were genuine forms of happiness, not like the kind you feel after purchasing a box of 300 gems in a phone game.

It is rare to be able to feel same kind of happiness now.

CCAAB 2016. Leaders or just people trying to stand out from a crowd? Idk

Bad times

A quote from Mrs Warren’s Profession:

“People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I dont believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they cant find them, make them.”

Another reason why I love Literature is that it helps me understand how naively this statement was made.

Many people who succeed in life claim that they got up and made the circumstances they needed to succeed in. Ironically, these are the very people who are born into fortunate circumstances. Just like Donald Trump. With a small loan of a million dollars, of course he shagged his life off trying to make it big without the help of his family’s wealth. 

What these people have never experienced is the poorer circumstances that many other people face. Where would Donald Trump be if he never got that million dollars? Probably working his ass off at McDonald’s supporting Hillary Clinton’s campaign.

It’s hard and cruel and unfair when you find yourself flailing in unfortunate circumstances. And to make the most out of unfavourable conditions? People make it sound so easy. It’s actually pretty hard.


there happens to be a disproportionately large number of whiny ex single sex school students who cannot seem to stop expressing their yearning for their beautiful secondary school days… that’s all already in the past??? Like ya I know single sex schools were damn fun and stuff because u got no opposite sex people to judge u so u let loose but then again how many times u wan post about crescent/sji/mgs cb we understand it was fun but come on man AC is alr really good with a great school culture u just happen to keep overexaggerating the unfortunate experiences you encounter in school and leave out the good ones because of how caught up u are in trying to prove that your sec school was da bomb like you get one or two bad teachers and u go and say teachers in AC are shit ya fk u dude sometimes just because they make u upset or screw up ur plans or even make u cry doesnt automatically make them shit teachers ya they make u upset but dont hold it against them dude… u hold a grudge as if u got some ancient hatred like get a fking grip of urself u sassy bitches. This sounds damn cliche but ya what if your future bosses are like this?? U just gon sit down and whine about how good ur previous bosses were to you??? Straighten urself the fk up and suck it up annoying bitches just because your sec sch was good doesnt make other schools shit. U only can survive in best schools??? Throw u in a neighbourhood school and u’ll rot there ah??

And another thing is u guys also keep babying each other it’s fake and fking ridiculous it’s not wrong but it’s so excessive and trendy to baby each other that it’s become like

-complain abt sth in sch

-baby each other “it’s okay honey stay strong babe we got this” 

-expect things to happen

It feels good the first few times la because u know that ur friends are there for u but it’s only gonna encourage a whining culture dude wtf it gon do for u when ur only incessantly whining and whining and whining