You know those days when you finish your work and just browse about social media, unwilling to pack your stuff for school tomorrow because of your disgusting habit of procrastination? suddenly, while you are stalking your crush, your eyecandy, someone you hate, someone you envy, you see something, some post or some picture of some sort, and it triggers you. so you just sit in a daze, thinking about your own flaws and insecurities, and by the time you’ve come to your senses it’s already 1.34am in the morning.
yeah that just happened to me so I happened to get some motivation to start writing and keep this thing active.
anyways there’s this mental tumour that has been bugging me. I have been wanting to write it out for the past week or so but I’ve been really tired and mentally blocked. Sometimes you just feel useless. I’m sure everyone has felt it; that lowest point in your day, or in your week, where you feel completely unable to do things others are doing, or you feel ugly, or you feel incomplete, or demoralized, or not good enough for someone you want to develop your friendship with. Basically you just start to feel suckish.
You scroll through social media, the lame excuse of a platform to socialize, seeing pictures of your friends accomplishing things, taking nice pictures, having fruitful times, meeting up with friends and joyous occasions, yea such beautiful pictures… then you take a look at yourself and feel like an anti-social introverted couch potato. You click on profiles of other people you don’t know, staring at their amusing dps, wondering who in the world helps them take such captivating pictures, they have bios that speak of their devout faith to christianity, praising god, flaunting their academic transitions to top JCs… then you look at your own and you feel unaccomplished as shit.
I haven’t felt so pessimistic and shitty in a long time, the last time was probably before Os with davina. I guess the shittiness all comes about with infatuations and love and stuff, which I also guess is what helps me write and complain so much. I really hate it when I devote my writing to complain about stuff like this, but then again it’s pretty much the only thing that helps me write more in depth than usual.