안녕

JC starts tomorrow.

Today I guess since it’s past midnight.

I decided to start writing since it was on my bucket list of “Things to do after Os”. Writing was one of the few I didn’t bother doing during the holidays because of my laziness, others including dedicating time to train for NAPFA which I think I compensated with a little bike riding. Let’s just hope I keep up the habit of keeping a journal throughout JC life and not lose interest on my 3rd day of writing. (hint:school diary) 🙂

It’s been a pretty arduous journey in secondary school with all its excitement-or the lack of it-and my pubescent misadventures. I went through all the “It’s just a phase” stuff and got through it just to turn out kinda taciturn and insecure in sec 4. I guess one thing that hasn’t changed is my relentless, emotional pursuit for just a little acceptance from a girl I would say helped me a lot to become who I am now. It’s probably time to move on. Easy to say though.

Well it’s Anglo-Chinese Junior College now, ACJC for short. It’s a new chapter in life to look forward to, which even though cliche to say, sounds like a pretty fresh way to reinvent myself and pop the bubble that has been surrounding my introverted self for a pretty long time. Sometimes solitude can be great, but it gets on you. I guess solitariness and loneliness are not really mutually exclusive. First hand experience right here.

I reminisce about my primary school days. Not about primary school. More about the time I spent playing Maplestory and making friends through the game. It was pleasant, having a virtual clique that so readily accepts you and embraces you, that of which urges you to log in everyday just to be able to see a light brown print in the buddy chat down below saying, “hey ditz F2.”

It’s hard to find that same acceptance in secondary school. Or in real life I guess, where your flaws are laid bare, your insecurities strike at you, and to put it simply, people you love just don’t love you back as much as you think they would. We crave acceptance and care. But in a huge class of 43 picking out people who would truly stay by you at your lowest is honestly quite hard. Even the people whom you dedicate all your time to to hear them rant about their problems, no matter how irrelevant to your life, just forget about you. Even the people you love: sometimes they just leave you in the aftermath and pick you up where you fell off in the dust only because you reminded them you still exist.

Hope I meet nice people in JC. People who will stick by me for a long time. Here’s to the best that will happen. And here’s to me making sure I keep the habit of writing up.

고마워

 

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